wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.

The good times keep on coming.

Apologies for the length, but I have a lot to talk about.

This has been one of the hands-down, best weeks of my life. I've been taking a lot of "personal days" lately. I feel bad that I have to do it, but I don't feel that bad really. Self-care people, it's what's important. Last Monday, Tobias from Switzerland came to stay with us (Sam and I) and holy crap is this guy beautiful. I have a crush on a Swiss boy now FYI. Voluminous hairs (he says "hairs") on his head and a beautiful smile between those often serious lips. I told him if he needed to he could make fun of me so that he would laugh and then he would smile. Girl's gotta do what...you know the drill.


I left class early on Tuesday, I felt shitty in the morning and while I felt sort of better later on, I could not bring myself to go to my classes with Ruth. No way, could not do it. Then on Wednesday I got to my practicum bright and early as always. While the sun outside was as beautiful as it ever was, being stuck up in a cold, chilly, quiet, blah, beige office was cramping my style. Rather than risk depression I told my supervisor I had to bounce outta there. So, I went to the grocery store and bought some delicious things (satsumas, pumpkin seeds, candy) and went home for a moment. Dropped off some things, grabbed some other things, and went off on a personal adventure. I ended up at Discovery Beach as I often have lately. All by myself, the wind: perfect; the temperature and sun: perfect; the day: perfect. I found myself a little ledge by the cliff to sit on. I sat there munching on snacks, smoking a bowl, burning in the sun for a little under six hours. All by myself. I was as content as I have ever been and I had nothing but natural beauty to accompany me. Around sunset Nicci came to visit me and by the time she was there I was practically unconscious. I had fallen asleep in the sand and missed the sunset. Damn. After about an hour of cuddling in the cool air we trekked back to the car, tired, sandy, happy. That was the best day of my life thus far. Thursday sucked, I went to all my classes and I am not interested in any of them. It blows.

Friday night we went to Brigid's birthday party. She's 23! What a good age. I did the whole circulation thing, knew most people already but met a couple new ones. I kept throwing back those beers like there was no tomorrow. Can't resist Sessions, mm delicious. Chain-mooching drags from Mikala and sharing cigs with Tobias in the cold night. He was planning on leaving on Friday but I told him "Hey, never miss a party if you can help it" so he stayed until today (Monday!). New couchsurfers Lindsay and Erica from Massachusetts joined us in Seattle on Friday as well. They were pretty exhausted though and decided not to come along to the party with us. We got home around 330am after walking home in the cold night. My favorite drunk thing to do. Well, to be honest, my favorite anytime thing to do. Funniest thing of the night: Tobias pouring shots of this gross, home-brewed, butterscotchy liqor for people who were like "Fuck no, dude!" ad then he drank them himself. This happened multiple times, and he never hesitated once. Born to party Tobi, born to party.

Saturday we woke pretty early considering the amount of alcohol consumed the night before. Sam, hung over, elected to stay home. Tobias, Lindsay, Erica and myself went to Discovery Park and sat in the sun and carved in the sand wall for a couple hours. I tried to kick Tobias' ass at cards but he quit in order to save face. Around 330pm I drove the girls back to the market and dropped them off. Went back to the beach, and spent the evening chatting with my new Swiss crush ;-P We watched the sunset sitting next to eachother in the sand. Drank beers. Ate a French baguette. Avoided standing behind Tobias (damn, frijoles!!) and laughed a lot. After sunset we headed back home. Watched kids movies like American Tale and Escape to Witch Mountain while eating stirfry, mmm. Mikala came over after work and took Tobias and Erica out for a drink. Sam, Lindsay and I remained and did what udneraged kids do best. Drank the rest of Mikala's beer and had a dance party! Complete with feather boas, fabulous outfits, and good company. We were dancing to Love Shack when the oldies returned from their of-age fun. Tobias and Erica just joined in like champs and danced around with us until 330am!

Sunday morning, Erica and Lindsay left early to catch their train. The rest of us took our time getting up. Around 2pm or so we decided we just HAD to take advantage of the continuing weather. Sam left with Morgan to go to Seward Park (found out later they missed the bus and never made it...) while Tobias and I went to the Arboretum to find some sun. There were too many people there and too many noisy cars along with not enough private sun to lay in. After getting lost trying to find the car we OF COURSE went back to Discovery Park (obviously our new favorite spot). We carved faces in the wall for hours and hours until it was just short of perfection. There will always be work to be done so we will be back for more.

This morning I could not make myself go to my internship. Distressing, I know. This may turn into a problem but for now I cannot worry about that. I just need to do my thing unfortunately. (unfortunate because it doesn't include school and internships, fortunate because it means just living how I want...) I don't know, life is beautiful but confusing as always. Tobias came in to say farewell, I felt myself getting sad already. That's the shitty thing about couchsurfing, you form such amazing, close bonds with spectacular people and then they have to leave some time. After a couple hugs, a high five, and three kisses goodbye, he was off. Hitching through the unknown up to Vancouver. He plans to find work there and hopefully save some money for a few months before he will start traveling again. This makes me glad that I can see him again, still pretty close to our fair Seattle.


On that beautiful day spent alone on the beach I though about this idea:
If I do what I want I'll disappoint them, if I do what they want I'll disappoint myself.


Until later

I'm glad I have a lot of friends because...

that way it hurts a little less when one of you fails to be one.

Some will make you larger, others make you small.

This weekend was a real blast! Friday I slept in all cozy in my bed. In the afternoon Emie and I went to Ballard (ick) and I made an appointment with Clark to get a tattoo (Nov. 13). This is what I'm going to get to the left:

That evening I got a call from Sam. He, Morgan and Sjors (couchsurfer from Amsterdam) had found a secret spot. I tried to get some people together but the only one who could make it was Bessie. But that was just fine by me! We picked up Morgan :/ and made our way to Discovery Park, jealous that Sam and Sjors were probably enjoying a beautiful sunset from the beachfront living room. By the time we got to the parking lot, darkness had covered us and the only source of light were the bright ass stars and moon. We found Sjors and Sam, made a food/beer run, and parked outside the park to make sure we didn't get locked in. After slipping and sliding down a sandy hill on my ass in a skirt and chucks, we entered our new secret space. After drinking beers and being fed marshmellows from Sjors's stick (lol), pushing Bessie on the rope swing, peeing on the beach, hot dog roasting, planning our sleeping patterns just in case we had to stay (boy-girl-boy-girl-boy), getting creeped out by mysterious noises, and so much more, we began the trek up the hill. Much harder than the trip down it! Every step up the soft-sanded hill and you would slide half a step back down again. The park was said to close at 11pm, we left the beach at 10:40pm, and made it to the parking lot at 11:30pm, JUST as the security guard was closing the gate on us! Halfway back to the car, we stopped to catch our breath, drink more beer, and watch the lit-up ferries float slowly across the Puget Sound. So beautiful. So perfect. There was no sound, nothing except the wind and an occasional coyote howl. Words really can't describe it. That was my Friday.

Saturday Sjors, Sam and I took all day getting ready for Matt's tea party at his house in North Seattle. Glueing rhinestones to my glasses, mixing and matching clothing, deciding on hosiery color combinations,smoking in the cool breeze of my apartment with all the windows open. We took the bus in a group of 10 or so and finally made it to the party. There were like 50 something people there circulating in and out throughout the night. Mikala came after work, such a hilarious girl. People tripping on acid in the backyard, toking in the basement, drinking mushroom tea and beer in the living room. I took my time drawing on the kitchen wall mural for a while. Good night all in all :)

Sunday I did nothing all day long.

PS

"It's like our movie life and our real life are merging into one."

I took great care in compiling this list of partygoers, thank you to:
Sam
Morgan
Gregg
Lydia
Emie
Liz
Bessie
Michelle
Westley
Isaac
Stephanie
Estefani
Whitney
Karla
Stuart
Morgan #2
Shannen
Nicci
Angela
Blue
Curly-Haired girl from the Rose
Hot red-head who grabbed my hips outside the Rose
Lesmon
Corday
Lesmon's friend
Cameron (hottie)
Johnny B. Gorgeous
Brian
and Fay.

You all made last night so fucking wonderful.

To quote Mr. Andrew WK:

Me: Can we party hard?
Holly: When it's time to party we will always party hard.

Long overdue photo post; so far this summer I have...

Dyed my hair:

Seen a lot of her:

Played on Beacon Hill:

Had veryyyyy nice weather:

Watched free outdoor movies:

Hosted a lot of Couchsurfers:

Played Guitar Hero with some rad Germans:

Gone Star-tripping:

Gone to B&O:

Been scared of my best friend:

Eaten at Piecora's:

What would I miss if my house burned down?

This post is going to be dedicated to my many collections. I have always been a collector, ever since I began collecting Barbie dolls as 5 year old. I seem to start a new collection a couple of times per year. Due to my ever decreasing-in-size apartment, I have put beginning any new collections on hold. For now at least.

Owls- If you know me at all you know my obsession with owls. I am happy with where my collection is at and am not currently adding to it.

Photos- One of my most treasured collections. My photos are a mixture dating back to circa 1890, depicting my great grandparents, to digital captures that I really need to back up because if I lost them I would cry hard.

Memories- I often come across scraps and bits of folded up paper with messages on them. Or I'll send myself text messages to remind myself about something funny that happened or was said so that I won't forget about it. This is my favorite collection because it's not something that would be lost in a fire.

This is a rant.

This is a rant about a few people. It should be obvious by now who they are because I am very vocal about my opinions. I have talked to them about my feelings on this subject but have yet to see ANY changes in behavior or anything and I am fucking sick and tired of it. I'm feeling ignored. And pissed off. Angry. Livid. Just, fucking, over it.

I hate indecisiveness, I always have. But god damn it my friends are the most indecisive, flaky people on earth. I forgive too easily. I'm tired of having kept my time clear because some one "might" be able to hang out. Then at the last minute shit changes. That fucking sucks and I'm tired of it. You're busy? Well I know of a lot of wasted time in your daily schedule. Time that is not used wisely, and then you complain about the  5 mile-long list of things you have to get done in the next hour. PROCRASTINATION, people, is not the answer. Sure even I am not always on top of things, but I get shit taken care of when I need to and I don't let so much pile up that I feel completely helpless, and distressed in the couple hours before something needs to be done. So distressed that I end up giving up on some thing that would have been no big deal had I made time to actually do it!

 If some one makes plans they should keep them. If they need to change them, fine. But change them twice? No. Thrice? Fuck that. Maybe I need to stop inviting people to give this response. The only way I can prevent this flip/flop answer is to stop asking. Can you hang out on xxxxx? is a fucking yes or no question. Can you or can't you? Seems simple to me, maybe I'm alone on this. Am I? Let them ask me. If they don't then I guess we were never the best of friends to begin with and it's better to know than to not know. 

I hate that when my friends are with me they are such wonderful people, but they feel like they have to change themselves in other situations. Never let some one, something, or anything dictate who you are, what you can say, what you can do, what you can laugh about, what you can enjoy... It puts too much stress on you to keep yourself cut in half like this. One half is one person, and the other half is a completely different somebody, somebody that I may or may not want to be friends with. Make yourselves whole again.

I guess the point of what I'm trying to say is be a fucking friend! I'm tired of this one way relationship. Really fucking sick of it. I'm glad I have friends who aren't this way, but the ones who are... it breaks my heart to come second to your laziness, lack of motivation, other people, etc. Really it does. I get sad when plans that I was excited for are suddenly cancelled because of bullshit or "something came up". Learn to give a damn about your friends. Saying you do to yourself doesn't fucking count. Tell your friends. Tell them you love them, that you value their time. It's not like I haven't said this all to their faces either. Fuck. I'm over it. Genuinely over it. If I have plans to see you this week, tentative or not, the ball is in your court. Give ME a call. I don't need to be your reminder. If I call some one on a night we were supposed to see each other and they are say, going to dinner with some one, going to the library, going camping, too tired, too lazy, too busy, then FUCK people, why did you wait until the last minute to get this shit done? Why did you make other plans when you knew you had plans with me? I've lost too many good relationships thus far due to what I can only assume is a lack of interest. Prove me wrong. Show me you care. Because if you do, you sure as fuck don't act like it.

Welcome back rain.

I just wanted an excuse to post my favorite picture ever.

Professor Hanley is drunk again...

and some people pay for this type of education...

Baby's on fire, better put her in the water!

I wrote a love letter last night. It's signed, stamped and ready to go. I don't have an address to send it to though so it will probably live out its days in my desk drawer or shoved in a box between old essays I've written. I'll keep you updated as to whether or not I find the recipient's mailing address.

On another note, Emie's birthday is TOMORROW.

100 days until I apply for grad. schools.

321 days until graduation.