that thing with whitney sure didn´t last long. not sure all of you even knew it existed. i feel like a complete idiot for even giving that a chance. but honestly, fuck that shit i´m already over it :-)
wednesday night, went to a free concert claudius was putting on in lovelite. and blah blah blah i end up in the archway of an old church on rigaerstrasse, making out with a cute irish boy, after a 10 minute cab ride to wedding. spent all of the next day in bed together, holding hands, watching old movies with tony curtis, like the sweet smell of success. spent the next 3 days in bed together. so sweet it makes me sick. we sit on my roof deck in the morning after i make him breakfast that we eat in bed. drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. holding hands still, not saying anything. we both comment on how nice it feels to just BE with some one. no artificial fluff conversation necessary, "it´s like we´re some old couple that has been together for 50 years..." he says. i just smile and he kisses my check and takes another cigarette out of his pack of pall malls.
i´m happy right now.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
i'm feeling totally and completely emotionally overwhelmed.
could really use some hugz right about now.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
here's my list:
1. the first time i was ballsy enough to make the first move-it was some time in April, Mari and I had gone to Jonna's club opening near Ostkreuz. It was about 10 when we got there, we left, I ran into all the kids from the teehaus, we went back there and celebrated for Ronan's 25th. About 3am when Jonna got off work from behind the bar, she came and we danced together, drank mojitos together, and she was so beautiful that I kissed her for the first time on the dancefloor surrounded by sweaty Europeans.
2. the moment i stopped giving a fuck what other people think-this happened quite easily for me actually. I was majorly stressed out and having a panic attack of sorts, due to me not knowing if I was continueing school or not, where I was going, etc. During all this everyone kept offering up all this advice I had not asked for, like, I should just "stick it out" or "suck it up". Sorry, but if I am unhappy with my life I can't just suck it up. No way. Anyway, I was talking to my Dad about all of this, and he said to me, "You can only worry about yourself." That stuck with me and while, yes, you do sometimes have to worry about people other than yourself, your primary responsibility is to yourself alone.
3. all those perfect moments-sorry, but i have to lump these together. these moments include: being alone and smoking a joint while listening to that perfect song; surrounding myself with new, strange, unique people; when whatever i am cooking turns out more delicious than expected; watching the parking lot happenings behind my building; new lovers that i get along with so well; waking up at 8am, having a toke, then going back to sleep for another hour; and laughing fits that can't be stopped.
4. more being alone-going to a movie alone, going to discovery park alone, walking in the park alone, etc. You really do get a lot of valuable thinking done when your aren't crowded by other people's.
5. weirdos!-wandering the streets of berlin at 3am (that i know better than they did!), with two strangers, siblings, danes from copenhagen, after a night of american hip hop in scharni. that was a fun night.
2. the moment i stopped giving a fuck what other people think-this happened quite easily for me actually. I was majorly stressed out and having a panic attack of sorts, due to me not knowing if I was continueing school or not, where I was going, etc. During all this everyone kept offering up all this advice I had not asked for, like, I should just "stick it out" or "suck it up". Sorry, but if I am unhappy with my life I can't just suck it up. No way. Anyway, I was talking to my Dad about all of this, and he said to me, "You can only worry about yourself." That stuck with me and while, yes, you do sometimes have to worry about people other than yourself, your primary responsibility is to yourself alone.
3. all those perfect moments-sorry, but i have to lump these together. these moments include: being alone and smoking a joint while listening to that perfect song; surrounding myself with new, strange, unique people; when whatever i am cooking turns out more delicious than expected; watching the parking lot happenings behind my building; new lovers that i get along with so well; waking up at 8am, having a toke, then going back to sleep for another hour; and laughing fits that can't be stopped.
4. more being alone-going to a movie alone, going to discovery park alone, walking in the park alone, etc. You really do get a lot of valuable thinking done when your aren't crowded by other people's.
5. weirdos!-wandering the streets of berlin at 3am (that i know better than they did!), with two strangers, siblings, danes from copenhagen, after a night of american hip hop in scharni. that was a fun night.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Terrible times, followed by great ones.
Terrible ones:
Great ones:
- leaving Berlin
- missing jonna
- missing charlotte
- missing mari
- missing holly
- greg and sam being disappointing cunts (seriously, you have no idea)
- cleaning up their mess
Great ones:
- getting stoned with val
- acquaintances being more helpful and reliable than "real friends"
- getting settled into my new place
- browsing the home decor magazine section at barnes & noble (esp. the kitchen ones)
- anticipating a return to school, but with a new path this time
- shrimp on sale for $4 a pound at safeway
- hearing Ronan's voice again when we talk on skype
- buying a ticket back to Berlin in 3 weeks
- being stressed as fuck, but realizing things could be worse
- listening to music, while doing absolutely nothing else.
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